I finally stopped breastfeeding this month. Exclusively pumping is not for the faint of heart, and after 9 months of doing it, I’m beyond ready to retire my pump. Hayes is 9 months and two-ish weeks old. It feels wild to celebrate being done, but mentally and physically, I was so over it at the end. It feels almost rebellious to say it out loud, but it’s liberating to have my body (and my boobs!) back to myself. I’m seriously so proud of myself for making it this far—especially because I’ve been exclusively pumping for the past 3-5 months.
Breastfeeding is such an emotional rollercoaster, and if you’re in it, you know. Here’s my real breastfeeding journey after 9 months, the messy moments, the wins, and the lessons I learned along the way. I’m hoping it can make some of you feel less alone during all the ups and downs.
Starting My Breastfeeding Journey
When Hayes was first born, I knew I wanted to breastfeed. But I didn’t set an end goal. I’d heard too many stories from moms who stopped at different times for all kinds of reasons, and I didn’t want to set myself up for disappointment. Still, nothing can prepare you for the mom guilt. It sneaks up, and it’s wild.
Building a Freezer Stash and Why Hayes Didn’t Exclusively Nurse
Hayes latched great from the start, and I was producing a ton of milk. I felt like a milk machine. I even started building a freezer stash early and added one pump session at week 5 to keep the stash growing. But Hayes had opinions. Sometimes, he wasn’t into nursing. Like if he was too hungry or fussy, he just wouldn’t do it. It was frustrating at the time and took a while to just accept, but I had to remind myself that every baby is different. Even some of my best friend’s babies would need to nurse to fall asleep or nurse for comfort at all times of the day. But it’s just what he preferred, and I got used to it.
Around this same time, we started introducing bottles. Not because he was fussy, but because we always knew we wanted Bridger and others to help with feeding. It worked out because during the times he was particular and not wanting to nurse, I’d always have backup milk in the fridge to throw into a bottle.
Challenges with Letdown and High-Lipase Milk
By weeks 7-8, I was pumping 3x a day and nursing. At week 10, a lactation consultant told me I had an insanely fast letdown—like a firehose-to-the-face, lol. No wonder Hayes wasn’t always into nursing at all times. She suggested I hand-pump before nursing to release some pressure. Around the same time, I found out I had high-lipase milk, which made my frozen stash taste soapy and metallic. Poor baby wouldn’t touch it (and honestly, I don’t blame him). Check this blog post for when I found out all my milk went bad. I figured out how to fix it (check out this separate blog post), but it was the worst news to find out after building up such an impressive freezer stash.
When Feeding Became a Full-Time Job
By month 4 of my breastfeeding journey, Hayes was eating so much that my supply could barely keep up. I was pumping 5-7 times a day, nursing a couple times, and keeping just a 5-10oz stash in the fridge for bottles throughout the day. I tracked everything in my notes app. And honestly? That’s one of my biggest tips for new moms. Write it all down: sleep, feeding, and any other milestones you think might be important later on. You’ll be shocked how quickly you forget the tiny (and large) details, even 8-9 months later!
Month 5 was… a lot. Hayes got his first tooth, and oh my gosh, the biting started. He bit me while nursing—like really bit me—and it was brutal. (It happened about eight more times over the next month before we stopped nursing completely). I was pumping up to 9 times a day, Hayes was teething, and nursing was becoming less consistent—like only 1-2 times per day.
I wrestled hard with the idea of adding formula because my body just couldn’t keep up with his 40 oz (!!) a day. Bridger was so supportive, but I think even he was like, “Girl, are you okay?” I mean, I was emotional to say the least. I remember sharing this situation on Instagram, and the amount of DMs blew my mind. So many supportive messages from other mamas who had been through the same thing. A lot of them shared that once they introduced formula, it took a huge weight off their shoulders and ended up being one of the best decisions they made. But in the moment, the thought wrecked me!
As an exclusively breastfeeding mama, that decision was heavy, and I thought about it for days (honestly, the past month as it was getting harder to keep up with his appetite). I kept reminding myself that Hayes was still getting 80-90% of his milk (and all the health benefits) from me, and the formula was just to help fill the gaps and make sure he was full. I finally introduced formula at the end of month 5 (after crying about it all morning and feeling like a total failure). But once we found our rhythm of adding a few ounces of formula to his bottles of breastmilk each day, it did feel like a massive weight had been lifted. The stress eased, and I could finally breathe a little easier.
Choosing the Right Formula
Linking the formula we use HERE. It’s one of the few (if not, the only in the States) formulas made without seed oils, which was a huge deciding factor for me. Fun fact: while the FDA requires infant formulas to contain inflammatory seed oils (yeah, it’s as messed up as it sounds!), this one gets around that by labeling it as a ’12+ month toddler formula,’ even though it’s made for infants. If you’re curious to hear more, the co-founders were interviewed by Realfoodology and Max Lugavere, and it’s worth a listen.
Of course, be prepared for your baby to get picky about formulas. They don’t always go with the first one you want to implement, or maybe they are intolerant or allergic to cow’s milk– oh, the curveballs!
The Gradual Weaning Process
From month 6, we naturally started weaning off nursing. Hayes just wasn’t that into it anymore—like he decided he was over it and politely (or not so politely) declined. It felt like he weaned himself, and I just followed his lead. He went from nursing once a day in the evening, to every other day, to every few days, until it just smoothly stopped. Around the same time, I also started slowly reducing pump sessions: 5-6 pumps at month 6, 4-5 at month 7, 2-3 at month 8. By month 9, I was down to one pump at night.
Weaning can be an emotional and physical process, but doing it gradually can help avoid clogged ducts and painful engorgement. If you’re nursing, try spacing out sessions gradually to let your body adjust. For pumping, slowly extend the time between sessions to signal your body to produce less milk. Dropping one pump or nursing session every other week gave my body time to regulate milk production naturally and I never had any issues with clogged ducts or engorgement, thankfully.
Another big part of weaning is the hormonal shift that happens. I noticed my biggest hormone shift when I dropped from 3 pumps to 2—my mood was all over the place. It’s something to be aware of because it can sneak up on you. Interestingly, once I fully stopped pumping and breastfeeding, I didn’t feel much different. So if you’re in the middle of weaning and feeling off, give yourself some grace. Your body is adjusting in more ways than one!
Letting Go of Pumping
Eventually, I knew it was time to let it go and end my breastfeeding journey. Every time I dropped a pump session, I felt so good about reclaiming parts of my day. It gave me more freedom to actually live my life without feeling like a legitimate cow permanently attached to a machine. But when I got down to that final pump-a-day phase, I dreaded it. I hated every second—just sitting there, uncomfortable, watching the clock, counting down the minutes until it was over. That’s when I knew, for my own sanity, it was time to be done. And that last session, I made just one ounce. It’s like my body knew it was over.
And, in true mom fashion, the next day, the guilt hit me—knowing I was choosing to close this chapter and would never do that for Hayes again. The thoughts that swirl around your head in those moments are wild, I’m telling you! But even with the guilt, the pride I felt for making it nine whole months outweighed everything. How insane and cool is it that I was able to do that for my baby? I am so proud of myself.
Breastfeeding isn’t easy, and exclusively pumping is even harder—so knowing I stuck with it for nine months felt like a huge personal victory. And now I’m putting my freezer stash to good use, mixing a few ounces into his formula one bottle a day until it’s gone. Even just one ounce of breastmilk continues to provide beneficial nutrients for your baby’s gut health. So, he’ll be continuing to eat a few meals of solid food a day, plus his regular bottle routine until he turns 1 and then we’ll reevaluate!
9 Things I Learned After 9 Months of Breastfeeding
- You can never be prepared for the emotional rollercoaster.
Each month brings its own set of challenges and curveballs. Go with the flow as best you can. Some days you’ll cry over spilled milk (literally) and some days you’ll feel like Superwoman. It’s all normal I’m finding out. - Try not to put pressure on yourself (but know it’s almost impossible).
The mom guilt is going to creep in, no matter how strong you are. Just remember: Whether you breastfeed for a day or a year, you’re doing an incredible job. - Find a good portable pump.
One you can use while working, driving, playing with your baby—because pumping doesn’t stop for life. I used THIS PUMP my entire journey and loved it. My friend switched from the Spectra after hearing me rave about it and loved it even more. Highly recommend! - Freezer stash? Start early but don’t obsess.
Building a stash early was helpful, but I wish I’d known about the high-lipase thing sooner. If you’re planning to breastfeed and/or freeze, I really recommend doing a taste test of your milk after a few weeks. Freeze a small amount and see how it is. You don’t want to be surprised later. More info here in this post. - Track everything in your phone.
Milk output, sleep patterns, big and little milestones. It’s easy to forget, and you’ll be so glad to have it to look back on. Plus, it’s kind of a fun way to see how far you’ve come. I just used the notes app on my iPhone and made a running list of everything, separated into different sections. - Formula is not failure.
This one took me a while to accept. Introducing formula felt like defeat, but in reality? It was freedom. My stress levels dropped, and Hayes was thriving. Plus, when you’re able to choose a healthy option when it comes to formula, that makes it even easier to accept! Of course, every baby won’t take to a certain one, you might have to trial and error this as you go through your own journey. - It’s okay to change your plan.
I never thought I’d be exclusively pumping, but it’s what worked for us. Be flexible, and give yourself grace if things don’t go as planned. You’re figuring it out as you go, and that’s okay. - Weaning gradually helped my body adjust.
Dropping one pump every few weeks saved me from clogged ducts and major discomfort. Surprisingly, had no issues here at all. Slow and steady is the way to go. - You’ll know when you’re done.
It’s a gut feeling. For me, it was when I was down to pumping only once a day and even dreading that. When you know, you know. And when you’re ready? It’s okay to be done. You’ve done so much and you should be proud of yourself!! Trust me!
Breastfeeding was one of the hardest, wildest, and most rewarding things I’ve ever done. Some days I felt like a superhero, and other days I wanted to throw my pump out the window (and yes, I did throw it in the trash the week I was done, lol). If you’re on this breastfeeding journey, know that you’re not alone. It’s messy, emotional, exhausting (!!!!!), and beautiful all at once. Be proud of every single drop you give your baby—because it’s no small feat. And trust your instincts; they’ll guide you when nothing else makes sense.
